I wannas sexs uuuuu
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
