there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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