She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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