Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
