I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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