She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
