Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
