You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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