she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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