in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
