I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
