Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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