sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
