Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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