My liver just broke up with me...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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