now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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