the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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