I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
