WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
