I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
