Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
