I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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