thus making me awesome and them whores
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.