new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.