dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
