the condom got lost in my hair
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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