Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
