He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
