He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
