i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
