FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
