i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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