Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
