I just saw a hot homeless man
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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