remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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