he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize