She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
