Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
