are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
