Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
