my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
