My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
