when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
