Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
