dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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