I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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