he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
