I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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