Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.