And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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