Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
