You're my little dorito
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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