Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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