I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
