I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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