My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
