He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
