fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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