I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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