How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
