I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize