Cold hands, warm shart.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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