The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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