1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found your dick twin last night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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